Purest Desires
by Tropicalnight
Summary: Natsume feels his blood freeze; it feels trapped in his veins, very unpleasant. Was that truly his desire? To be alone forever? Or... In which Natsume is the purest human being, wishing for nothing more, and has the most brilliant smile.


It was purely coincidental when Natsume Takashi stumbled upon the Mirror Of Erised. You see, Natsume had always slept alone. Later, when he had become a teenager, Nyanko-sensei had slept with him and while occasionally snoring and mumbling drunkenly in his sleep, Natsume had never minded. Sure, it took a while to get used to the extra person (or animal, more accurately) sleeping with him, but he never minded since he knew Nyanko-sensei. He'd never tell Nyanko-sensei, no need to boost his ego, or the more likely action of him getting creeped out, but Nyanko-Sensei's presence, especially his beast form, had always brought this wondrous peace over him.

But anyway, he still couldn't get used to how Gryffindors slept. Apparently, Gryffindors felt that as a united house - or at least the boy's side - six boys sleeping in the same room wasn't weird, especially when it became crowded. So basically, the Gryffindor rooms at night were a bunch of boys clamped together, trying to get something called sleep. And not just that, Gryffindors also had the tendencies to snore and there were times that they just blatantly decide to talk in their sleep about their Quidditch achievements that they dreamed about. Natsume was never particularly interested in Quidditch, or any sport really. Too busy to figure out how to live his life.

So he was wandering in the halls, occasionally climbing stairs. He'd encountered the cat students had called Mrs. Norris and he'd pet her every time, before running away every time he'd heard Filch's voice in the resounding halls. Thankfully, the cat was never eager to sell him out, and Natsume thanked her for it.

It wasn't the first time he'd come out late at night, so Natsume made sure that he'd greet every youkai he met, if for conversation purposes. Most ran away, frightened by the prospect of a human seeing them. Natsume naturally grew curious at this and asked one day a youkai who was fascinated by a human such as Natsume, but not afraid.

"Don't all wizards see you?" He asked the creature. It was a tiny thing, with bulging black, eerie tunnels for eyes. Natsume was startled when he first laid his eyes on him -Er- it. He found it kind of ironic that a lot of youkai feared humans despite their terrifying features.

"No, most wizards usually see the bigger, stronger youkai. Such as the feared God, Misuzu, or Mistress Hinoe." Natsume resisted a snort, he didn't think that the youkai would appreciate that. But it was just like Hinoe and Misuzu to make up rumors to make others fear them when they were truly such overprotective parents.

"I see. Oh! Do you ever remember a human called Reiko that could see you?" The youkai's eyes grew even wider and even creepier as he seemed to remember. "Oh yes! I was wondering why you looked so familiar. Reiko was a powerful human. She helped me find my bell in a big classroom when it went missing. That reminds me, I wonder if that mirror is still there..." The youkai trailed off, getting lost in its own thoughts.

"A mirror?" The youkai nodded, "It was a big mirror, it showed me a delicious treat, but I wasn't able to eat it! Can you believe it?!" Natsume sweatdropped, but froze when he heard a voice booming.

"Who's there!" it yelled, and Natsume bolted into the nearest classroom, ignoring the calls of the youkai. He closed the door behind him and evened his breathing. He only let out a sigh when he heard Filch's voice fade and ultimately disappear from the halls. He took a deep breath and was about to move out of the classroom before he noticed some sort of light reflected on it. He turned his back curiously and saw a mirror. He moved slowly towards it, not knowing what to expect. He hadn't been in this castle for so long, but he knew that he should expect the unexpected. Though, he mused, that was the story of his life anyway. He wondered faintly if this was the same mirror that the youkai was talking about.

He stepped closer to it, but he only saw himself. He moved closer when he noticed writing on the gold frame. It read: Erised Stra Ehru Oyt Ube Cafru Wohsi. He wondered if it was in some ancient language before he inspected it even closer, and connected the dots. His blood froze in his veins, and he had the distinct feeling of ice imprisoned in his arms. That was not a good feeling.

Was that truly his heart's desire? To be alone forever? Was he actually truly selfish at his subconscious? He'd known that that was his wish in his younger days when he'd spent his childhood with people that despised his very existence. Not that Natsume could blame them; he was an oddity in their normal lives. He couldn't blame them for wanting to be normal, to live normally. He wanted that too after all. But after being given Touko-san and Shigeru-san, his two surrogate parents that loved him, and his irreplaceable friends and the youkai that he spent his time with, he'd always thought that he was perfectly happy, content with his life. He thought that he was amazingly happy. And he was. Truly. Had he misunderstood this mirror's purpose? But come on, the phrase _"I will not show your face but your hearts desire."_ It was too much of a coincidence.

"My boy." Natsume _jumped_ , and the figure laughed, making Natsume feel even more embarrassed. Professor Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of their school, stood there, looking as eccentric as always, with his pointed nightcap, and his polka dot robes. Natsume felt a further second-handed embarrassment at his robes. But of course, tried to ignore it.

"Professor, I," Natsume then realized that he shouldn't have been out, and as the Headmaster, the person who makes the rules, he wouldn't be understandably happy with the fact that Natsume snook out. "I was just - you know, uh.."

"Don't worry my boy. Rules are, sometimes, meant to be broken. Merlin knows I did the same in my youth. Anyway, my child, I am curious, however, as to what you see in that mirror." Natsume paled. Would the Headmaster judge him, knowing that Natsume would rather by alone his entire life, even though he had everything handed to him in life? Even though he should be happy and satisfied with all that he'd been given, and for free too? And Natsume was too, but apparently, this mirror didn't agree.

Dumbledore must've of noticed his reluctance to say anything, because he suddenly winked at him, but Natsume simply tilted his head curiously, not understanding the implication. The man huffed. "Merlin, you are far more innocent than I was in my school years." Natsume was further confused but didn't say anything.

"My boy, you have realized the true intention of this mirror, right?" Natsume reluctantly nodded. "Then why do you seem so crestfallen? Everyone I have met so far have all been delighted at what the mirror showed them, as it were their heart's greatest desire. And yet, my boy, you do not seem to enjoy what you saw there."

Maybe it was Dumbledore's grandfatherly presence, or his gentle tone, or maybe just his curious prodding, but Natsume found himself reluctantly opening his mouth. "Well, I saw... me." At Dumbledore's curious eyebrow raise, he continued. "When I was a kid, I... once wished to be alone. To live alone. But now, I don't want to be like that. So I'm just curious. Do I actually wish to live alone, was I subconsciously wishing that, just like the mirror showed me?"

Dumbledore stayed quiet for a moment. "I believe, my boy, you misunderstand." Natsume tilted his head curiously; what could he have misunderstood. "That you didn't see anything but yourself, means that you are contented. It means that you don't need anything else in the world, you are happy as you are. And it's been a long time since I've seen someone like that," Natsume widened his eyes in realization and turned towards the mirror. He tentatively reached out to his reflection, before smiling softly. Perhaps it did mean that. He spent a few moments looking at the other Natsume before he turned and realized that Dumbledore was no longer there. He walked back to his dorm, he didn't really want to become one of those boys who admired their reflections and maybe even showed off their chests.

And surprisingly, when he laid himself on his bed, sleep found him quickly, and he was glad. And instead of the dreamless sleeps that he was used to (or the youkai memories that he occasionally witnessed), he instead dreamt of the sunshine, warm figures, and creatures that made him feel safe.

And the next day, Natsume was confused at the blushes that he saw whenever he laid his eyes on _anyone_ , even Professor McGonagall at some point did the same. He wondered worriedly if they were sick and when he expressed his concerned to a particularly flushed girl, she just squeaked and mumbled that she was fine.

(At the end of the day, Natsume approached one of the guys -he'd asked about twenty girls, and they were futile attempts, so he thought he'd try out with a guy- and asked him why everyone seemed to blush every time he looked at them. The boy, with a brilliant blush, had simply said that he had a wonderful smile and promptly ran away. Natsume was left very confused and very oblivious.)


End file.
